On the Recent Excreable Failure of Marc Webb

Really Webb?

Let me break it down for you. Comics are about archetypes, guy. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel, because the wheel is spun perfectly, time-tested by fans, by writers, by editors, buffed and polished by every inker and artist who’s ever touched a character until he stands indomitable, a titan, shining above the masses. If you felt you needed to indulge your ego by chucking him out the window and filling him in with a weak-chinned, self-indulging weakling and surround him with one-dimensional, inexplicably pro-vigilante cliches, I can understand that. Consider it understood. It is not, however, forgiven.

For God’s sakes, man, you left out Uncle Ben’s catchphrase! Who the hell makes a Spidey film without “With great power comes great responsibility?”
$#*& you, Marc Webb, you screwed up Peter Parker.
In all fairness, I was baffled about why “The Amazing Spiderman” was such a piece of offal. You’ve got the brilliant Rhys Ifans in a role with a billion opportunities for him to be creepily bipolar or drug addled, but his acting is obscured by an incredible amount of CG. You’ve got the beautiful, cheeky Emma Stone as the untouchable Gwen Stacy, but she DOESNT DIE. Look at who they picked to be Uncle Ben and Aunt May! I was honestly so thrown by everything off about the film, I went online to see what the reviewers had to say.

“Andrew Garfield, who is utterly fantastic as Peter and Spiderman. Garfield puts everything he has into this role, which results in a deliciously engaging performance.”

Excuse Me?!?! That douche pissed me off the second he decided to teen-angst a car thief, just because he might have been Uncle Ben’s killer. By the way, loose end much? Spiderman has been many things, but vindictive and immature were never those things. Uncle Ben raised a good kid, which was always the draw of Spidey. His banter doesn’t consume him, it is Spiderman’s weapon against the baddies. Garfield was practically everything Spidey isn’t- sneaky where Spidey is honest, vindictive where Spidey is just, and for JJ’s sake this one is just a kid! You’re robbing everything respectable from the character. Not to mention, half of New York sees the guy’s face. Secret Identity? HA!

That may be the main problem with the movie. Everything about TAS feels rushed and undeveloped. Just look at the crane scene- so Garfield has a sudden attack of conscience and saves one kid, who just happens to be the lynchpin to his later success at saving the city. Why would he even jump if his web wouldn’t reach? Shouldn’t all those web-slinging practice sessions teach you that by now? Also, all those cranes in the concrete jungle of NYC? Unneccesary, not to mention improbable. Nothing was thought through at all!

Disappointment doesn’t really cover it for me. I’m just going to get the Raimi trilogy and try to forget the reboot happened at all. It’s like they saw the guy’s name and figured literary irony automatically implies a great movie.


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